"Now What?"

End the “Relationship”

Abusive clergy are skilled at manipulation, making exiting the "relationship" difficult. The perpetrator may work to ensure that you do not exit the "relationship" or leave the ministry where he holds spiritual authority over you. If the "relationship" is to end, the manipulator will strive to ensure that it concludes under his control, on his timeline, and framed in the way he wants others to see it (not as abuse), solely for his benefit and preservation.

Therefore, empower yourself to strategize how you can exit the situation in such a way that he cannot influence you to stay and abuse you further. If you decide to communicate to the abusive clergy that you no longer wish to interact with him, remember that anything you type or write down can be potentially seen by others. Referring to the situation as what it is—clergy sexual abuse—can make it clear to both the abuser and the reader that the nature of the relationship is abusive, not consensual.

If the abuser persistently contacts you and harasses you until you comply with their demands, you can end the conversation with a firm statement that you do not want further communication. If they do not comply, you can possibly obtain a restraining order using appropriate documentation of their harassment.

Keep a journal or type out your experience while it is still fresh in your mind. While it may be time-consuming and challenging to recount your experiences, getting your emotions and memories out of your head and onto paper can have a cathartic effect. Additionally, having a timeline of the events with as much detail as possible can prove helpful if and when you report the abuse. Keep all evidence of the abuse (e.g., screenshots of text messages, emails, voice messages).