"Should I Stay in Contact with the Leader?"

Cut Ties Permanently

One of the most challenging yet crucial steps in leaving an abusive situation is to autonomously decide to sever all ties with the abuser. This can be particularly difficult for some victims who may rely on the pastor for financial support due to employment. In such cases, it is advisable to explore alternative employment options. This step is crucial because those engaged in clergy sexual misconduct (CSM) often manipulate victims to maintain silence and submission.

If you find yourself needing to quit your job in the United States to escape sexual harassment or stalking, whether on or off the job, you may be eligible for unemployment insurance benefits. However, if the pastor is terminated due to public exposure of misconduct, you might not need to seek new employment, provided the work environment remains positive and colleagues are supportive.

By deliberately severing all communication, you take control and break the cycle of abuse. If you attend the same church as the abuser and the leadership fails to address the abuse properly, leaving for your safety becomes a prudent choice. Familiarize yourself with what church leaders can do to appropriately respond to CSM and ensure the safety of victims and the congregation.

Understand that maintaining a friendship, working relationship, or spiritual mentorship with the abuser is neither healthy nor feasible for your well-being. Empower yourself to accept this fact and move forward, ensuring the abuse comes to a complete stop.

While some victims have chosen to relocate to another state to distance themselves from the pastor’s influence, this may not be necessary or possible for everyone. Recognize the potential challenges, and appreciate that the freedom gained is worth the personal cost associated with permanently cutting all ties to the abuser.